I'm questioning how we ask questions

Okay I am going to warn you all that this is kind of like my husband’s blog from last night but I am a little bit more narrowed in on what I am going to talk about. For those of you who care he stole the idea from me 8-)

Seriously though being unable to have children for fourteen years; I will admit I am very sensitive to this and it does bug me more than most any one knows. But I HATE it when people ask me how many kids I have, or here’s one even better, and yes I got this one just today: I was taking my friend’s daughter to ballet at the YMCA today and they let you stay and watch them and one of the moms asked me how old my daughter was. I kind of get it because most of the time parents  are the ones who take their kids places and this was a special case because her mom had a doctor’s appointment she had to go to so I got the honor of watching her daughter do ballet. Which sidenote here she was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute. She kept looking back at me making sure I was watching her. She is so cute.

Okay back to the point. I do think that maybe just maybe we can watch what we say to others and just assume we know what the situation is. I think by know we all know what the saying is about assuming things as well.

Coming from someone who has longed to have a daughter of their own to take to ballet class it is a little okay a lot painful when people ask those types of questions. It was a bitter sweet moment. To be able to watch her do ballet, but my heart was aching because I was longing for it to be my own daughter along with her there. And in the beginning when they asked how may kids we had and then we would tell them that God has not blessed us with any right now. Then they feel like it is their place to tell me to get started on it or all the different things I need to do in order to have kids or they say in a sarcastic way you can have my kids. Really! That one especially bugs me because I know they don’t mean it this way but it makes it sound like they do not realize what a blessing it is to have children, and it comes off like they are taking this huge blessing that God has given them for granted.  Plus they are your kids I would like to have my own kids not yours. I don’t mind doing foster care but that is a whole different thing.

Okay anyway my point sorry I am taking so many rabbit trails today. Please be a little bit more sensitive when you are asking others questions about children. I can tell you from my point of view and from other women I have talked to that have infertility issues it really does cut their to their heart every time someone asks questions like that. And if you do end up asking them that question and they don’t have children please don’t tell them how they can get pregnant or that they can have your kids.

Steps 2-4

I decided that I would just combine the steps that were 2-4 for us, because they are not very long in themselves.

Step 2 for us was getting our finger prints done. It was not very hard. They have several places all over the Puget Sound that you can go to get them done. It had been a good eight to ten years since I have had my finger prints taken (the last time we tried to do foster care). Boy how technology has changed. It used to be that you had to put your fingers on the icky black ink pad. I do not like ink on my hand of any kind so I hated that part. Now they just scan them in on the computer. I thought that was pretty cool. Okay I admit I am way behind on the times especially when it comes to technology but anyways I was still pleasantly amazed. I also thought it was so cool.

Step 3 was an all day class with Keep the Beat. They are an organization that does the first aid, CPR and HIV training. I will admit I was soooooo nervous about this class, because I am always worried I am going to do the CPR wrong on the dummies they bring in for you to show them that you know what you are doing. I also hate anything that is bloody stories so that pretty much is this class. I did good on the CPR. They have changed the rules on CPR to make it so much  easier to remember.  I did pretty good with the icky bloody first aid stories everyone felt the need to share. I only got a little queasy. The worst part of the bloody stories were that they were immediately after lunch. I did pass so now I am licensed to do CPR in the State of Washington for the next two years.

Step 4 that is the step that we are in right now. Full disclosure.  I am not good at this step at all. I call it the waiting step. We are waiting for our references to come back, our background check with finger prints to come back and for them to schedule us a home study. I do not like to wait. Yes to all my Christian friends out there I know God is teaching me a lesson in waiting patiently. I am doing better than I have before, but I do have to admit I still need quite a bite of work on this step. Hopefully soon we will get our home study scheduled and then we will be onto the next step.

Think Before We Speak!

I was going to do this blog about step two of the foster care journey for us. Then something happened, well keeps happening to my husband and I, and to be honest it really upsets me.

We will tell people, and yes even friends and family, that we are taking in children and being foster care parents. And without a beat they will ask us about race, gender, and how many we will take. I don’t really mind those questions, to me they are normal questions that I believe anyone would ask. It is their responses to our answers that upset me so much. We will tell them that we don’t care about the race or sex of the children and as for how many, my husband and I have said that we would like to have no more than 4 children for right now until we get the hang of it. We would also like to just take one sibling group for right now and prefer they would be 6 and younger but will take older if we feel God is telling us to do so. The most hurtful response to me was when they said to me that I could not handle 4 children. This comment hurt me deeply because I believe that they 1.  Do not know me that well and definitely not as well as they think they know me. 2. They are not God and only God knows what we can and cannot handle and if God gives us 4 children to take care of then He will give me what I need to take care of 4 children.  3. I also believe that we don’t even know what we are capable of handling until it gets put in our laps. And 4.  This is my favorite, there is a verse that I love in the Bible that says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13.  Between my husband and I we have heard all sorts of negative things.

I do want to say that this person did not mean their comment to hurt me or maybe they did but I am choosing to give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they did not mean to hurt me.

I think we could use it as a reminder to watch what we say to those around us. Is it encouraging and useful to build them up or could it be hurtful? It is also a great reminder to those of us who hear the hurtful comments to show grace to those who speak such things to us and give them the benefit of the doubt that they do not mean it in a mean, negative way.

Step One

The first step for doing foster care in the State of Washington anyways is to take P.R.I.D.E classes that are offered for free from the State of Washington. They are about 30 something hours long. This has been the step that until this time we never got past.

We have been here in the State of Washington for three years now. In that time we have signed up to take these classes three to five times or something like that. The first four times was directly through the State. We even went to most of them but did not complete them in the time we needed. Mostly because as we were taking them my husband’s unit needed to go get training for their upcoming deployment to Iraq (This was in 2008). After he got back we tried a couple other times but something (I know now it was God) kept us from going. The fifth and final time we did finally complete it. This time though it was with our agency who offered it. It was from Youth for Christ. I have to say it was the way God wanted us to take these classes with His perspective involved in it. Of course you can not get God’s perspective from the State run classes unfortunately that would be against the law if they did. I am so glad that we did get to take them and see just how God looks at this. Because of these classes we are now looking at this as a mission field and not just foster care.

On a side note I would just like to take a moment to say how great I think it is to have an agency like Youth for Christ. I know that my husband and I would not of followed through if it was not for such a great agency. From what I hear from people who have worked with them for long periods of time is that they are great and they really care about the kids and also the foster families. They also pray about who to call as well unlike the state who looks at a list and just picks up the phone. I am not bashing the State they have really tough jobs and a lot of laws and not enough hours in the day that prevent them from doing the things that YFC does. Anyway thank you YFC for making this journey much easier. We are so looking forward to working with you all!

Introduction of who I am and why I'm writing this.

I thought it might be a good idea to make the first blog that I do telling you all a little about who I am and why I am writing a blog. That way you will know where I am coming from for those of you who do not know me.

I am 36 year old Christian woman. I have been married to my husband for 14 years. We have no children as of right now anyway. We have been trying to have children pretty much the last 14 years. My husband and I are in the process of becoming foster parents. We have tried several times to start the process of becoming foster parents. This time we are going to complete it. We have already gone way past where we have for the past 12 years.

I am writing this blog mainly because my husband and I thought it would be a good idea to write a blog during our journey from both his point of view and mine. We are also writing this to save up money so that we can adopt a child as well. I would also love to hear from any of you who have been through this process already and / or any of you that have any advice on parenting and /or going through the foster care process.  

So I hope you all enjoy this blog and thank you so much for reading it.